Ham and Candle Party


Six days after the power outage, I’m still recovering.

Here’s one reason why.

Boredom, my private villain, requires impromptu festivities. We celebrated our second day without power with a Ham and Candle Party.

The purpose of the party was to feed Liev leftover ham. I included a grungy pillar candle to distract him from the idea of the leftovers. Since he asked about the candle several times over the past few days, it seemed like a perfect plan.

I bet you know where this is going.

I lit our big, fascinating candle with a butane lighter. Liev’s eyes doubled in size. Too dazzled to eat the ham, he quizzed me nonstop about the candle, matches, and butane lighter.

Several minutes of Liev not eating ham passed. Answering odd questions engaged me at first, but he began to ruminate. My brain ground to a halt after the fifth flammable gas question.

Tea, I thought. A cup of strong black tea would make butane more thrilling. So, I placed the lighter out of reach and poured myself a cup of tea at an adjacent countertop.

I turned around. The kitchen table was aflame.

In the seconds it took me to step six feet away, Liev ignited his napkin. Startled, he threw the napkin–onto a tall pile of art papers.

The papers whooshed up in flames, threatening to incinerate our rattan art box.

Genius that I am, I used a nearby roll of paper towels to beat out the flames. I did so without securing the roll, igniting a loose flapping towel (pictured above). Nevertheless, I kept on beating, eventually smothering the blaze.

I dashed the embers with my tea as a finishing gesture.

Next power outage, we will have a Ham and Flashlight Party.