A feature of my son’s behavior is disinhibition. In plain language, Tyoma’s mental brakes have a higher threshold, so he is more likely to flush things down the toilet and shout at the cat.

Curiously, Tyoma’s threshold varies day by day. Some days a forgotten hair clip rests safely by the sink; on others, the clip would be sent spinning down the pipes. Positive behavioral supports don’t help much. The only wise thing to do is plan ahead. Our house is immaculate and uncluttered.

The Kitty is a different story. She is a living creature deserving peace and respect. A mere glimpse of kitty triggers an automatic howl of “KITTY! MREOW!!!” from Tyoma. All summer I fought a losing battle to build empathy for kitty.  The more I tried, the worse his compulsion to shout grew.

Now, I enact an intricate plan to keep Kitty away from Tyoma on shouting days.

Thursday that changed. I gave Kitty a bath and she loitered downstairs when Tyoma came home. Before I could blink, he saw her and whooped, “KITTYYYYYYYY! MEEEEEYOOOOWRRR!”  The cat fled with cartoonish drama.  If I could produce steam from my ears, this was the moment.

I emphatically told him to stop—gasoline on the fire. He rolled his eyes, jerked his shoulders, and shouted again.

“Listen to me,” I said. “I know you can’t stop, but Kitty had a bath today and she feels very nervous. You may not scare her. If you frighten her, you must go to your room and stay until she is dry. Then she can go outside.”

I expected more Mreows and hysterical protests. Instead he replied, “She’s nervous? Scared? Because you gave her a bath?” The idea intrigued him.

“Yes. You may not frighten her. But you can help her to feel better,” I said.

“How?” he asked.

“You tell me, Tyoma,” I said

Thus, Tyoma created the Kitty Care Cycle–a diagram of how to help Kitty recover from her bath.

The next day, as I looked through Tyoma’s school papers, I found a comic book illustrated by his Special Education Teacher, Crystalyn. Hands down, this was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.

Ms. G wrote:

“Tyoma told me the cutest story about Kitty Pearl and how he used to meow/growl at her but he realized that she was really upset about her bath. He decided to do something nice for her after her bath to calm her down…so cool! We made a book about it during lunch today.”

This is the comic book they made:

Kitty Care One

Kitty Care Two

Kitty Care Three

Kitty Care Four

Kitty Care Five

Kitty Care Six

In a follow-up email, Crystalyn wrote:

“Today’s lunch conversation made a light bulb in my head go off! It was the perfect window into Tyoma’s thinking:

1. Cat growls/meows

2. Tyoma growls/meows

3. Tyoma’s re-assesses the situation

4. “Kitty isn’t growling at me, he’s scared!”

5. Tyoma figures out how to make it less scary for kitty.

A metaphor for how he sees the world.

The insight and sensitivity of this young woman astounds me. I never considered how universal  Tyoma’s systematic thinking is, nor did I see that his Kitty Care Cycle reflects his interaction with the world so accurately. In truth, our family of scientists and mathemeticians have our own Kitty Care steps and strategies to piece our way through life.

Thank you, Ms. G. Thank you for the dozens of scribbled encouragement notes write to my son. Thank you for reading and working hard to take my son’s perspective. You listen to our family and create the most robust and lively solutions.  We appreciate you.

 

Comments

  1. Hannah says:

    This is brilliant!!
    What a spectacular teacher.
    I hope this learning transcends shouting days too!
    ox

    • A Quiet Week says:

      Thank you Hannah! We feel very lucky to have had such wonderful experiences at our school. The entire staff is progressive and well educated. Lucky us!

      Tyoma still shouts at the Kitty (it’s a vocal tic), but he has developed and interest in petting her and getting her water. Baby steps!

      Thank you very much for visiting with me! 🙂

  2. Life&Ink says:

    So, visions of the abominable snowman from Bugs Bunny flashed into my head as I read your post. I wanted to grab Tyoma’s teacher and say, “I will call her George, and I will hug her and pet her.” All affectionately of course, just because I get all happy inside when I hear about someone who is a brilliant thinker and because of the flexibility of their thinking can make connections and thus solve situations. Genius. And love. And so very wonderful for Tyoma and mom. 🙂

    • A Quiet Week says:

      Oh! I snorted fizzy soda water right up my nose! How perfectly apt! I loved those old cartoons, and the image is perfect!

      Flexibility is so essential! The more connections that can be forged, the more creativity blossoms. A high five to you for working so hard to get Teddy what he needed. I am lucky to be surrounded by people who understand neurological variation and how to accomodate! 🙂

      • Life&Ink says:

        Just so you know, I consider causing someone to snort liquid up their nose a very high compliment. 🙂

  3. Sandra says:

    After what seems like a life long battle of finding the right people to surround my son with to provide the support he needs to have a positive educational experience, I am feeling your joy. One in a million. Blessed xo

    • A Quiet Week says:

      Thank you so much Sandra!

      In many ways, we might struggle–seeking what will work next and understanding T’s unique development.
      Yet, our entire team cares about Tyoma and genuinely wants to make his educational experience outstanding.

      I am grateful everyday. I appreciate your visit and encouragement.

I ♥ Comments!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s