>Sure, I took the Autism Spectrum Quotient Questionnaire. I took it a few years ago, at the suggestion of a fellow blogger from Livejournal. Since  “eighty percent of those diagnosed with autism or a related disorder scored 32 or higher, ” I was surprised.  I scored above 40. Naturally, I discounted the test, but not before passing it on to my parents.

Mom wouldn’t even consider it at the time, but I recall that I unearthed several more diagnostic questionnaires, (which I am certain to gather and post) and passed them on. Annoyed, mom couldn’t bother with something “dug up on the Internet.”  She didn’t want him to fret.  Heh.

Dad and I are very much alike. He would have fretted. And we did fret over Tyoma’s diagnosis. Asperger’s.

And now, I’m wondering. About the broad autism phenotype. About my sensory issues, social issues and failure to thrive when my intelligence should have hauled me through. I’m looking for data, lists, surveys, questionnaires. I am trying to take all the disparate and strange bits of information about my life, my whole life and put them into a big picture. I am seeing autism. Or am I? 

I doubt myself  fundamentally. Doctors said,  “Anxiety, ulcers, depression,  Epstein-Barr.”  So what is it? Without knowing that both my son and father are on the spectrum, I would have never though about Asperger’s.  I’d be googling my favorite stuff, organizing, and avoiding cooking.

I need some one to talk to about all this. Someone reliable and experienced. Someone who’s seen aspies and won’t dismiss me or lead me astray. Someone who knows the difference between “typical” and “autism spectrum.” I need to know if this is what’s going on with me and if not what can I do to manage my life with my son better. I’m desparate here. Life shouldn’t be this hard.

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