Poor Hubby stayed home today, ill with the cold that wiped me and Tyoma out Monday. Dr. Google  decided Egor’s “pulled hamstring” is actually sciatica, making both of us feel a bit older and fragile.

His pain hits him when sitting,  in his car and at his desk. His weekend guitar playing marathons might be the culprit. Sitting on our low profile bed, he strummed away for hour in a position that certainly looked uncomfortable.

Anyway, neither sickness nor sciatica seem to deter his guitar playing or singing, so I’m glad that he is taking off a day and enjoying it. E will consult a real doctor Friday if he is not feeling better.

I’m still mid-YouTube Project, uploading and organizing videos. I was so jazzed over all the organizing, I had  trouble falling asleep. Perhaps drinking 1,000 cups of tea contributed.

Life hasn’t been all videos and journal transfers, though. I spent time researching autism yesterday morning. I half remembered literature about about depressed mothers and autism and checked it out. Curiously, there is something called the “broad autism phenotype,” which pretty accurately sums up where our family is at on the spectrum. Am I diagnosable? Who knows, but I sure fit in on the phenotype.

Looking at heritability and autism, I found some interesting studies. The “gifted” type of autism, ie, autism where one can speak and has intellectual gifts (HFA/Aspereger’s with high IQ) often presents alongside family histories of bipolar or major depression.

Interesting. Dad’s profoundly gifted, E and I are exceptionally gifted and we have depression and bipolar in both of our families. My dad’s father was bipolar–in and out of institutions. Both Dad’s mother and Egor’s mother have major depression. My mom? Hmmmmm. Anxious, compulsive and coming soon on an episode of Hoarder’s.

Neurodiversity. I’m lovin’ it.

Would I like to change anything about my life? Be less awkward, have more friends? Not if it cost me my thoughts.
I’ll even keep my depression right where it is–manageable but omnipresent. I am glad for the reduction of anxiety and obsessive thoughts that Lexapro has brought. I can sleep regular hours and my life is not a 24 hour “Strange Addictions” episode, where viewers can watch me google hypochondriacally, ruminate endlessly over my own mortality and imagine vivid scenarios of the deaths of loved ones.

This is a link to the article I read with regards to autism and bipolar disorder: here.

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