Liev’s ability to tolerate crowds has increased. He can amuse himself at a moderately crowded playground. No screaming meltdowns! He chats with himself and spontaneously greets others (something he never did before).
He has been picking up on social cues from others in about two outings out of three. He keeps out of the way of older, rowdy kids. He waits his turn and is cautious of smaller children. He still does not initiate play, but he observes others playing with toys and imitates what others do. Wow. What great data gathering. Should have gone clinical…
As I smiled and made pointless small talk with the other mothers, I noticed how perfect everyone’s teeth were. Highlights, cute jeans, fashionable shoes, fancy phones and dazzling straight white teeth. I never gave too much thought to investing in such a smile and I can’t decide if I’m off-put or jealous.
I’m feeling depressed and sad. It’s like I can’t move, and the smallest effort takes every bit of resolve I have. I just haven’t been the same since Mom left. It’s not her fault, but I have so much to do now that I didn’t think to save more energy for her. Is it unrealistic for me to expect so much from my mother? Probably. Am I not grown up? And is our moving here not a change for her too?
Mom raised me and always had the answers. But now I am focused on my own family and I need extra help. It’s funny. Ask too much of Tanya and she’s there for you, ask too much from mom and she’ll freak out. And reverse, ask too little of Tanya and she’ll freak where my mom is happy reading books and doing little. I realize that it’s over-simplistic, but I need to strike a better balance with the women in my life. I must take more responsibility, after all, am I not their problem too?