Two Hour Tour

I spent two hours this morning looking for the “Nashua Mall,” only to find that Google maps had it all wrong.

My trip looked super-easy from the internet. Left here, right there, 101a this, Main Street that and voilà! The Nashua Mall! The reality was far grimmer. After an hour, I realized 101a magically manifests itself as several streets, many of which are not labeled and a few of which take convoluted and unexpected turns. Once I found the “Canal Street” branch of 101a, I drove by “Nashua” drive (twice) before turning around and pulling into a shabby parking lot belonging to the mall. The lot looked more like a car park next to the Juarez border crossing than parking at a classy East Coast mall.

Lampposts on every row bore intimidating “PRIVATE PARKING: ALL OTHERS WILL BE TOWED AT OWNERS EXPENSE” signs. Perplexed, I drove up and down the parking lot looking for “MALL PARKING FOR CLUELESS MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN. HAVE A NICE DAY! ” signs. Finally, I located a sign declaring “BAE PERSONEL PARKING ONLY.” I left in disgust.

Disoriented, I took off in the wrong direction, winding up in Some Strange Town. Hmmph. Liev’s complaints reached an aggravating crescendo despite the snacks I gave him, my irritation must have infected him. When he became suddenly quiet, I should have been suspicious, but I was too relieved to care. To my chagrin, he fell into a deep black sleep, which lasted just long enough to guarantee he would skip today’s nap.

After arriving home, feeding baby, and consulting the internet, I realized that the directions that google gave me were whack. Why it sent me to a parking lot off Nashua drive, I’ll never know. (E.T.A. Nashua Mall is off of Nashua Street, not Nashua Drive; google maps confused the two addresses).

After frazzled nerves were mended on both sides of our generations, Liev and I took off to find the Pheasant Lane Mall. Gigantic signs abounded. Despite a wrong turn or two, we made it in a half an hour (MapQuest said 21 minutes). We celebrated by gorging on Chick Fil-a sandwiches and waffle fries. My bright-eyed baby was impressed by the play yards, merry-go-rounds, miniature train stations, and row after row of colorful kiosks featuring breakable items. We passed by a bobble-headed, almost creepy Easter Bunny who waved at us. Liev looked at me with astonishment, as if to say, “You’re freaking, kidding me, right?!”

I came home feeling satisfied as if I had just handed in a killer composition to a sniffy professor who did not appreciate my genius. Heh.


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