Moms learn quickly to be suspicious when little ones are too quiet. They have clearly found a new and fascinating way to cause trouble and chances are, you will have one heck of a clean-up to do.
Liev played quietly as I pumped his lunchtime breast milk. I could see and hear him happily entertaining himself in the baby gulag. I finished, trotted into the kitchen, put on water for coffee and fixed breakfast. He continued to babble happily—no shrieks, yells, or hoots (his latest milestone is making an awful racket). As I walked past the gulag on the way to the bathroom, I received the shock of my life.
Unprecedented Monster Diaper Explosion–all over the playpen. I was so astounded I did not even speak. Liev looked up at me and smiled sweetly, waving the same little poopy hands that had smeared a foul greenish-yellow trail around the sides of the gulag. His arms, elbows, legs, and knees were a sickly yellow-brown. The track they left on the white matelassé bedspread under the gulag resembled a gigantic fecal bull’s eye. The mess encompassed his feet, face, and neck. Miraculously, his hair was spared.
Did I mention his toys were soiled? Oversize fabric blocks, talking tops, musical balls, and teethers were all streaked brown. Oh, Lord. I tried to change him and clean him up in the nursery, but he smeared unsavory rainbows on the wall. I scrambled to clean him up in the shower but quit when I could not find my shower chair. With the baby bathtub in the kitchen sink, I hosed the poo off with the kitchen sprayer. To squeals of delight, I changed him on the nursery floor since the changing table was a disaster area.
I called mom to watch baby as I cleaned up and I spent the next two hours hard at work. I disassembled the gulag, hauled it out to the driveway, scoured it thoroughly, rinsed it with the pressure washer and left it to bake in the 100 plus afternoon sun. I defy E. Coli to survive that! Similarly, I washed toys, blankets, and gulag matelassé. I scrubbed a few spots on the carpet and called it a day.
A second diaper tsunami was caught before a full gulag contamination. Turns out Liev has been ripping off the right-hand diaper tab as he is being changed, thus causing the diaper contents to leak. So, when Egor we change diapers, we make sure both tabs are on firmly.